your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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