Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize