Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
