oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
