I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
