This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
