Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
