I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
