Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
