Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
