I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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