Just cropdusted the office
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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