I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
