How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
