my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
