If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
