It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
