6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
