You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
