I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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