Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
