I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
