if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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