i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
