There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
