I just threw up on my dentist
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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