my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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