I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
