did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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