I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
