Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
