Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
