dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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