I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
