So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
