I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
