i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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