So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
