does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
