She is in my trunk
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
