He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
