I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
