remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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