The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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