I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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