I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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