so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
