he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize