it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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