The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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