Will you blow on my dice?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
