Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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