if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
