I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
