fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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