Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
