now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
