A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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