i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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