Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
