If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The air taste purple.
Randomize