Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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