The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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