I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize