this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
