make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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