just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
