I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can I color on your dick again?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
