Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
