I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize