we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
