he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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