when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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