You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
