When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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